Happy New Year!!!
Praise God for allowing us to see another year! Old things have passed away, and it's time to make room for everything you have been believing God for!
Happy New Year, Friend!
It's been what seems like FOREVER since I've connected with you all through my blog. My last release was November 9, 2023! I've missed my readers DEARLY. I'm actually experiencing many emotions as I type this very moment. I believe these tears are coming from a place of relief. It feels so good to be writing again.
Million Dollar Question: Where have I been?
As I always say, I pride myself on being as truthful and transparent as the Lord will allow me... With that being said, these last few months have been rough for me. I've been struggling with finding my purpose within myself, at my job, in my relationship, at my church, with God, in friendships, and even with Hidden Treasures. I've been having a hard time understanding why God allows me to go through some of the things I face in each of these areas, despite how much I seek after Him to deliver me from the very things I'm struggling with. I guess within these last few months I've realized how tired I am of faking like I'm okay with everything that has been happening around me and within me. When I came to that realization, it truly took a toll on me. Admitting that you're not happy with the life that you are leading and living is no easy pill to swallow. It's a challenge especially when you've spent countless years building up this facade that you're the strongest and bravest in the room, when you know you're strength and bravery stem from the fear of someone finding out who you really are. If I don't present myself as a giant, you'll figure out where I'm most vulnerable. You'll see how much I overthink, my anxiety, how much I disobey God, how negative my thoughts can be, how sad I am sometimes, or how much unforgiveness and hurt I carry in my heart secretly towards those who have wronged me. Who would want to show up and support someone like this, is what I kept telling myself. Begging God to explain to me why He continued to download His word in me to share, send encouragement to give, and gift the discernment to minister to and pray for those in need, when I was so messed up myself and unworthy. All of these thoughts, feelings, and emotions have burdened me for the last few months, and took away my desire to show up FULLY for ANYTHING in my life. So that's where I've been. In captivity, believing in God to be delivered and set free!
Update: What's the progress? Where am I now?
About 2 weeks ago, while meditating and praying on everything I'm believing God for in the new year. I was led to read a book out of my personal library that I've had for YEARS, and never bothered to even open. "Get Out Of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts" by, Jennie Allen. This book has transformed my life FOREVER. I've had several encounters with God within the pages of this book and I'm only half way in.
Through this book ,God gave me a well needed reminder of what He said in His word. And that reminder is that I HAVE A CHOICE. I can either believe in His truths, or fall victim to the lies of the enemy. This choice starts with how I choose to react to the emotions felt when trials and tribulations present themselves. Our emotions trigger our thoughts, our thoughts trigger our behaviors and how we act, our behaviors effect our relationships with everything around us, and depending on how you are in those relationships, you may have a consequence. This is the downward spiral we want to avoid, and we can avoid it by making the choice to have a mind of Christ when we are met with triggering emotions, which will transform your experience to an upward spiral.
This has changed my entire outlook on the different experiences I've been facing in my life. God has given me an exit for when things begin to be more than I can bear and I'm so grateful to Him. He's made it clear that it won't come easy. These truths have to be applied to my emotions, and thoughts daily, but I have faith that in due season, applying God's truths will become a healthy habit I form.
Praise be to God that I'm definitely in a much better space. I find freedom in FINALLY being able to say, my name is Alita and I struggle with perfectionism, people pleasing, self-deception, pride, unforgiveness, slothfulness, negative thoughts, neglect, trauma, insecurities, and being a victim, BUT GOD IS DELIVERING ME! Day by day, I'll fight until I'm COMPLETELY healed, delivered, and set free!
"Behold, I will do a new thing. Now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." - Isaiah 43:19 (NKJV)
Prayer
Dear God thank you for continuing to dwell with us even though we give you every reason not to. Thank you for never leaving nor forsaking us and always providing us a way even when we may not see one. Thank you Lord for loving us through our flaws, and being gracious enough to still deem us worthy of the gifts you've bestowed upon us. Lord I pray that you would make your presence known to anyone reading this blog that may be experiencing a time in the wilderness. Give the strength to endure and the wisdom to seek you even in their time of trouble. Continue to guide us, cover and keep us Lord as we continue to Heal, Evolve, and Rise together. AMEN!